happiness_hunting

How come things always go against my will? We were having a very sweet and great lunch yesterday, but today we are…. well, is that my problem? I am so bad mood of getting lowsy result, the three months holidays drove me crazy, till now i am still in the mood of having holidays, no mood to study… Anyway, moving to a new place do help me a bit, and i will tell myself to work hard anyway… Actually, i am feeling very dizzy now…why? Because i have just taken one bun in the morning, till now i still haven’t take my lunch……sad…..Miss Hardev said, take the pressure as challenge!!! Yes, i will, chinese new year is coming, i can’t wait to meet my sister, being in a warm family is much more important than anything. LIFE IS NOT A BIG DEAL, right?

Well, i am now writing my blog at home, finally i got to online at home, but, so bad the line speed is so slow that it makes me sick…Erm, my life is back to normal, he contacts me back, everything going smoothly, however i am really so bored at home, about one more week i will be bck to university, i wonder how will i face the lecture note, assignment and so on, anyway, i know i need to handle all those boring stuffs no matter how… Am i a different person now? i guess so, after what had happened to me, take care, all of my friends, i know i do not contribute much to your life, but i hope i am still be considered as someone quite important in your heart…

A very long time never tell my feeling through words, i thought i have found the right person to share…But the matter is, he is the right one but it is not the right time to meet him…time passes by, i learn nothing but boring and lonely in this holidays, three months of holiday make me sick. Another he has kicked me out from his friend list, i wonder why, he never tells the reason, maybe because of him, i can only guess…well, life is still on, but my own sky has back to cloudy, again, i wonder why…i feel like my the peak of my life has over, now i am down in the mountain, waiting for someone to rescue me. My friend used to say, when u look from the sky, you will fall to the mountain; when you look from the mountain, you will fall to the ground; when you look from the ground, you will fall to the sea, or even the hell…straight away i fell from the sky to the hell, it is hurt, yet no one can cure the wound.i am tasting the rotten meat, inhaling the polluted oxygen, drinking the contaminated water, alone, in the hell, so? the sky is still grey, the atmosphere is still dull, i am, no more me myself……

Well, this is the second last week for the first semester, and the final is coming soon…i am sort of lost in my memory, i tried to recall what had happened during the past, but failed. My 19th birthday gone, eagerly waiting for my 20th, 21th… and so on. Life is just too boring, feel like leading a zombie life, no challenges await for me, just because of my protective family. Well, i have get used to it, though, but sometimes just feel irritated. Just don’t know where i should go, feeling like a dumped baby, without guidance….

生 活的重心

偏 离了正轨

回 忆涌现

曾经的我

不 再是我

原 来

回 忆是童 年

童 年是回 忆

乱了

一个人的生 活

两个人的生 活

不 同的感 觉

不 同的期 待

不 同的思 念

你出 现了

你消 失了

你出 现了

我回 来了

我离 开了

我回 来了

又重回原点

但似乎有偏 差

一 直努 力整 理的思 绪

始 终理不 清

对你 的思 念

才下心 头

又上心 头

我一 直都不懂爱

从前不懂

现 在不懂

但我希 望未 来会懂

Shmily……

I learn to know the word

I learn to understand the word

I learn to feel the word

Then

I learnt to know you

I learnt to understand you

And I finally learnt to miss you……

I wonder can i hang out with them this week? he seems like changing to a caring person. Now i think i have no more that sort of feeling on him, but what if the feeling arise again when we meet??? Well, no answer is provided, whatever. The life in university is nothing but fun, of course i can never get rid of pressure, but i believe i can handle it. Someone said i am not independent, is it so? Maybe, so i gotta change, i wish i can chat with you all, at least help me to cope with my pressure. But our time never match, i am still myself, supposingly….

He wasn’t there that day, but what he wrote in the message hurt me badly, but then, what he said yesterday really cheered me up. He finally willing to share private stuff with me, a big improvement, right? Well, i am not going to meet anyone except my friends in university till next weekend, i am looking forward to meet him next saturday, haha, i will work hard as i don’t want old man and old head to be blamed, some more, Alan really puts high hope on me, i will go go jia you de. Min, Bao, Jin and Boon, go go jia you too. Min, let the unhappiness pass through your memory, K?

I damn miss him today, even during the lecture class, whatever appears in my mind is about him, gross!!! How has he been? Can we meet this weekend? Well, kind of sick for being missing him a lot. Life is getting suffer, because i don’t even know wha’s the meaning of life. I don’t know how to express my feeling towards him, i keep asking myself, will there be a good ending for both of us? Can he tell me frankly how he think of me? i miss you a lot, do you know that????

Yesterday was a surprise to me, they actually came and allowed me to hang out with them, amazing??? Well, yesterday i was happy, i guess. The distance between him and i is getting closer, and my feeling towards him becomes ??? He treats me as a friend, i guess, or just a sister, and now, i have already accepted that, he is just a friend. He doesn’t suit me, just like i am not his cup of tea. We were so close yesterday, haha, gets to know more about him. Erm…i want to taste the new shrek ice cream, anyone wants to volunteer to treat me one? Haha, just kidding, you all know what, my life now is nothing but a mess with all the lecturers and books, kinda bored. What is actully chemistry? He asked me, and i said??? Whatever, i better get used to life without him…

I have went for blood donation yesterday, can you imaging 350 ml of blood has been sucked from my body into a plastic packet? Ha ha, brave right? However, i feel so dizzy after that….Well i am so sad that i have lost my pendrive, wu..wu…wu…, no mood to write dy….